Dude.

Seriously, I am sick. Try sitting through the second hour of a comedy show trying not to sneeze. I'd been fine until that point, but I spent the last hour of An Evening at Eve's Tavern torn between dying of laughter and wanting to sneeze, and making my face contort to prevent the sneezing. I knew that once I started, I wouldn't be able to stop.

The show was amazing. The host, Kathleen Madigan, is THE FUNNIEST PERSON ALIVE. The best part was that she knew how to play to the Canadian crowd.

[pretending to talk to a customs agent] "It says AMERICAN on my passport. Can you read below that? Yeah, it says DUMBASS."

Going on, she explained that a nation of dumbasses voted in Bush. But four more years of Bush is also because the Democratic Party is stupid. "How long," she asked, "is it going to take for them to realize they can't keep putting up a piece of PLYWOOD and expect people to GO OUT AND VOTE FOR THE PIECE OF PLYWOOD?!"

Dubya, by the way, seems to be the only one of his family to have a Texas accent, she said.

Speaking of the Bushes: "And every time a hurricane hits Florida, Jeb sticks pencils in his eyes, saying 'I can't believe I'm stuck here dealing with hurricanes. I'm the SMART one!'"

Another comic, whose name I can't quite remember, did this bit, and was FUCKING HYSTERICAL. (Found a transcript on a website.):

Did you know that the French have the same word for monkey as they do for ape? *shock* Yes, it's okay, I felt that way too.

Because I'm a languagist - - now, don't laugh with me, laugh at me - - I'm joking. I know it's not languagist, it's Linguologist.

The French named the monkey 'le singe' and then when time to name the ape and said "O mon Dieu! [in a french accent] I am too tired to make anotheur word ...ape is singe also."

--- [Brin's note:] So we're all sitting there, a bunch of mostly bilingual people, I'm sure, all wracking our brains for the French word for "ape". AND NO ONE CAN THINK OF ONE. ---

One of my favourite movies is The Planet of the Apes, and the guy's walking along saying 'Oh no, our planet has been invaded by monkeys!" The monkey behind him said "Rrrargh! we are apes not monkeys, apes are not monkeys there is a big difference between monkeys and apes. Monkeys are not Apes rargh!!" That's not the funny bit.

I watched the french version, "La Planette des Singes" : He's walking along, saying 'Oh no, our planet has been invaded by singes!" The ape behind him said "Rarrrggh! We are singes not singes, singes are not singes there is a big difference between singes and singes. rarrgh ...singes are not singes rarrggh!! - - - rar"

So that was funny as hell. Particularly as I now come home and discover that she's RIGHT. The word for "ape" REALLY IS "singe"! (And the reason I put "singes" up there is because that's plural.)

On the whole, a great night with JB and N, with ALL KINDS OF WEIRDNESS that is not for public consumption.

Random.

I know. I'm spamming. WTF.

So there's this guy. We'll call him M.

I know this guy from an online game, and we've chatted off and on (very off and not very on) for a few months now. Probably about six or so.

He has this habit of being online after 3am and before 5am. He has, therefore, witnessed my own nightowl tendencies. He claims his are forced by work hours, because he finishes at 2am or something, but anyways.

I've met him twice and he's nice enough, even though he does tend to rattle on forEVER. Like, for YEARS, about anything and everything. He's very much a know-it-all. As such, I SOMETIMES ask his advice regarding the game, 'cause even though he does brag about knowing the game (and everything else), he actually IS somewhat intelligent in terms of the game.

After he and his GF came to town a couple months ago, they broke up. And now, he tends to IM me even more frequently than he used to.

I don't actually mind this.

What I do mind is that EVERY SINGLE TIME he messages me, the first thing he says is "Go to bed!"

If there is one thing I hate for anyone to tell me, it's to go to bed. My parents stopped telling me to go to bed when I was like, 17. My grandmothers even acknowledge that I'm a nightowl. I believe ONE of my friends has ever chided me for going to bed too late, or outright told me to go to bed. I do not speak with this person any longer. (For other reasons, but that was a symptom of the other issues in the friendship.) I do get somewhat teased about my late hours, but that's a different thing. My exes have, occasionally, asked me to go to bed early, as in, with them. This is the only time I feel remotely comfortable being told to go to bed, and it's more of a request than a demand. And it's a request from the PERSON I LOVE. And it means snuggling, at the minimum, and possibly sex.

Why the fuck does someone who is NOT a good friend of mine, with whom I am most emphatically not involved, think that it's remotely OKAY to order me to go to bed? Seriously. If he were to tell me that to my FACE, I'd fucking deck him.

So how do I tell M to fuck off without necessarily losing a resource or getting on his bad side? Suggestions welcome.

And now, I am going off to bed, but that's only because I'm exhausted.