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It's five in the morning and I'm going to talk about faith and God and life, so comments are off, because anything I say is bound to be meaningful to me and, therefore, not up for debate.
I have trouble with forgiveness. I have trouble forgiving myself, I have trouble forgiving anyone anything, although I think I've gotten a lot better in the last few years. In fact, I'd have to say that, at the moment, I am holding about 99% fewer grudges than I was when I was five years ago. I have yet to fully forgive myself for various things; I still feel twinges of guilt and discomfort when I think about them. All the people currently in my life are free of my wrath; no exploding at them for something they did ten years ago and disagreements with them last a whole lot less time than they used to, particularly in terms of my family. (And yes, even the ever-irritatingly-demanding CB is free of my wrath, though not my irritation.)
I have spent the last four-plus years attempting (and, quite often, failing) to be a better person, a person who tries to follow Christ's path. Thing is, dude was, you know, Jesus. And he's a tough act to follow.
Matthew 5:39 says that Jesus said: "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."
Matthew 5:44: "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,"
Matthew 5:48: "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
It's difficult. And it's the right thing to do because it IS difficult. But knowing that it's the right thing to do doesn't make it any easier to do.
What do you do in the face of adversity? I guess the answer is just to pray for those who persecute you and love your enemies, right?
Some time ago, I had occasion to look up Satanism. Seriously, I wanted to know what Satanists actually believed.
http://www.satanism101.com/statements.html
Indulgence. Vengeance. Kindess only to those who deserve it. Talk about the polar opposite of anything I've ever tried to do, or believed in. The opposite of anything that I ever did that, in the end, made me feel better. Indulgence and vengeance and cruelty have, on the whole, led me to misery. When I first read those statements, I realized that something I was going through at the time was for the best, and that I would do anything I could to prevent myself from following any of these statements. And it worked. It's like reading them gave me more incentive to turn to God and to do his will.
I looked up those statements again tonight (obviously, to pull up the link). In doing so, I feel a bit better. I'm not taking revenge on anyone, and I am praying for those I *would* take vengeance on. I am not giving in to the cheap, gratifying thrill vengeance would bring me. I am not indulging in my baser instincts.
Sometimes, it takes a look at something to which you're completely opposed to help push you in the right direction, to help you realize that yes, you're doing the right thing, and that it's okay to be frustrated, as long as you don't give up.
James 1:12: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
So. Persevere I shall.
But first, bed.
I have trouble with forgiveness. I have trouble forgiving myself, I have trouble forgiving anyone anything, although I think I've gotten a lot better in the last few years. In fact, I'd have to say that, at the moment, I am holding about 99% fewer grudges than I was when I was five years ago. I have yet to fully forgive myself for various things; I still feel twinges of guilt and discomfort when I think about them. All the people currently in my life are free of my wrath; no exploding at them for something they did ten years ago and disagreements with them last a whole lot less time than they used to, particularly in terms of my family. (And yes, even the ever-irritatingly-demanding CB is free of my wrath, though not my irritation.)
I have spent the last four-plus years attempting (and, quite often, failing) to be a better person, a person who tries to follow Christ's path. Thing is, dude was, you know, Jesus. And he's a tough act to follow.
Matthew 5:39 says that Jesus said: "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."
Matthew 5:44: "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,"
Matthew 5:48: "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
It's difficult. And it's the right thing to do because it IS difficult. But knowing that it's the right thing to do doesn't make it any easier to do.
What do you do in the face of adversity? I guess the answer is just to pray for those who persecute you and love your enemies, right?
Some time ago, I had occasion to look up Satanism. Seriously, I wanted to know what Satanists actually believed.
http://www.satanism101.com/statements.html
Indulgence. Vengeance. Kindess only to those who deserve it. Talk about the polar opposite of anything I've ever tried to do, or believed in. The opposite of anything that I ever did that, in the end, made me feel better. Indulgence and vengeance and cruelty have, on the whole, led me to misery. When I first read those statements, I realized that something I was going through at the time was for the best, and that I would do anything I could to prevent myself from following any of these statements. And it worked. It's like reading them gave me more incentive to turn to God and to do his will.
I looked up those statements again tonight (obviously, to pull up the link). In doing so, I feel a bit better. I'm not taking revenge on anyone, and I am praying for those I *would* take vengeance on. I am not giving in to the cheap, gratifying thrill vengeance would bring me. I am not indulging in my baser instincts.
Sometimes, it takes a look at something to which you're completely opposed to help push you in the right direction, to help you realize that yes, you're doing the right thing, and that it's okay to be frustrated, as long as you don't give up.
James 1:12: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
So. Persevere I shall.
But first, bed.
