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brinshannaraI don't know if I want to smack people upside the head or be really impressed when it comes to Grey's Anatomy right now.
Backstory: I don't like Grey's Anatomy. I really don't. I think Meredith Grey is a dumbass. I think Patrick Dempsey is ugly. And I think that I have not seen a bunch of people that screwed up in a long time.
However.
There are very few lesbian relationships on television right now. GA is currently exploring one between Callie Torres and Erica Hahn. Naturally, I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame, because either I'm going to relate or I'm going to bitch.
And I don't know which I'm doing right now.
I was excited. I was really excited and intrigued by the whole Callie/Erica thing. To the point that I watched episodes from last season and then have watched all the episodes thus far this season.
I dislike the show in general. Have I mentioned that? I also don't do grossness on TV shows and tonight's left me feeling queasy.
Anyways.
I used to be excited about how they were doing the whole Callie/Erica thing. The movement from Friends to Something More is, I will admit, my fandom kink. And alternate universes. But mostly first-time-with-that-person stuff. And if it's gay stuff, all the better.
So I was interested in this relationship between them.
It went well, at first. Teasing the straight guy Callie's sleeping with, Mark, with suggestions that he couldn't handle a threesome. A kiss in the elevator between Callie and Erica to prove it. Dirty talk by Mark Sloane during sex about a threesome with Erica to elicit a reaction from Callie, which was really a positive one. And then Callie, realizing that she's actually really attracted to this woman... she goes up to her and snogs her. A good one, too. (Random memory -- I think it was one of the Eggs, though I couldn't tell you which, who once wrote to that good ol' mailing list of ours with something along the lines of "Okay, who saw Odo and Kira SNOGGING on the Promenade last night???" Such a good word. I wonder what the Eggs are up to, anyways. Hm.)
And that was how Season 4 ended.
Season 5 started with awkwardness and a suggestion to go slow and just go on a date. There were some HILARIOUS bits about The Motherland and an embassy and the northern mountains and south of the Mason-Dixon Line ... of her pants... or something.
Here:
Callie talking to Dr. Bailey.
Dr. Bailey talking to Callie.
Finally, Callie and Erica talking to each other.
Sorry for all the backstory, but as you can see, it's kind of delightfully cute.
Last episode, There's No I in Team, was an interesting one, period. I actually enjoyed it. Dixon from Alias was in it, apart from anything else. ;)
It was all going so well. Snogging in the start of the ep... but freaking out on Callie's part, but that's totally normal. I mean, if you think you've been straight your whole life and you find yourself in bed with a woman... That freaks you out. Hell, the first time I was faced with the possibility of KISSING a woman, I freaked right out. And I'd already acknowledged my attraction to women. A year and a half before that.
But last episode, Callie basically says she can't ... well, to put it in clinical terms, can't perform oral sex on Erica. She confides in Mark, who is all like "dude, really, not cool, quit talking to me about it," because apparently it's hot when two girls "get nasty" and enjoy it, but it's "wrong" if two girls are doing so and not enjoying it. Or something.
Callie's just trying to figure things out and makes the mistake of letting Erica think that it wasn't good for her. In reality, regardless of how it was for her, she couldn't enjoy herself because she didn't feel like she was doing well at what she WAS doing. Insert Erica thinking she's being rejected, etc.
So. Callie asks Mark to help her. To show her The Sloane Method. By demonstrating on her. Which he happily does. She drops her pants, he throws his scrub top to the ground and agrees to teach her how to perform oral sex on women.
Callie promptly takes this knowledge and tracks down Erica and demands that she take off her pants. She pulls her own top off. "We're trying this again," she explains.
I chewed on that for a week. She, literally, went from a sexual encounter with Mark over to a sexual encounter with Erica. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against bisexuals, but my feeling is that if she's having sexual encounters with more than one person, all her partners ought to know. It's the double-dipping that I have an issue with.
So this Thursday's episode (spoilers, obviously) opens with Callie and Erica in bed together, marvelling at how awesome it was. Callie is CLEARLY proud of her, er, work. But Erica... is like over the moon. Beyond happy. To the point of likening sleeping with Callie vs. men to seeing trees with glasses on vs. seeing them before she ever got glasses and did not know that leaves existed because she only ever saw green blobs.
And then she declares, in this hoarse, incredulous, decisive voice, that she is gay. She is SO gay. She is SO, SO GAY. She is EXTREMELY gay.
And Callie panics and says she has to go. Erica is, naturally, crushed.
And later that day, Callie sleeps with Mark.
Twice.
So I get it. They're showing us that Erica has had a revelation, that Erica now believe she's gay because she's never experienced anything that even comes close to sex with a woman. But that Callie... didn't have a revelation. Callie had sex. Callie has had sex before, good sex, with men. And she just had good sex with a woman. But to her, it's just sex. So Erica's gay. Callie might be bi. So Callie tests out her theory by sleeping with Mark. Twice. (Mark who, by the way, informs Callie that she's cheating on Erica.)
Now, to her credit, Callie seeks out Erica at the end of the day to confess. To explain what she did because regardless of how the sex is with a guy, she DOES want to be with Erica right now.
And Erica says "Okay." The next scene is Callie and Mark talking and how Callie's basically not going to sleep with him anymore and he takes it well. There's some actual, real friendship potential there.
But... all of this is still not sitting right with me.
I get the point they're making. But I am completely unhappy with how they made the point. They took this really... adorable sort of awkward uncertainty they had and now all of a sudden, Erica's declaring she's gay, Callie's freaking out and sleeping with Mark instead of talking to Erica about it and I'm not sure I like it. Is it more real than a sort of storybook thing where they live happily ever after? Yes. Is it more interesting? Yes, definitely. So what is driving me nuts about this?
Maybe it's because I just plain don't relate to Callie. At all. There's Erica, pouring her heart out to Callie, revealing truths to her, talking out how she feels... And Callie freaks. Where's the compassion, the empathy? Where's the friend that was there, pre-romance? When I came out to my friends, my friends who totally already knew, btw, they supported me through it, reassured me that nothing had changed and that they still loved me.
Even those who didn't know have been amazingly supportive and awesome. From one of my old best friends from highschool, ASP, with whom I've reconnected on Facebook:
you could have a penchant for wearing a giant cape and a wizard hat, have a tail and be a republican and I'd still introduce you as my "awesome computer geeky partner in crime from back in the day". You being a lesbian doesn't surprise me (but I'm not not surprised, if that makes sense), and it certainly doesn't define who you are to me. I'm glad you felt comfortable telling me, and as long as you're happy, I'm happy. Word.
(Not that I'm comparing being gay with having a tail, wearing a cape and a wizard cap and being republican - I'm just saying that nothing would change my view of you) (Unless you're Vegan - then we have to talk).
I mean, how AWESOME a reaction is that?
True, I have never grandly proclaimed a new sexual identity after sleeping with someone which was their first time sleeping with a woman. But it's not that I haven't questioned my sexual orientation before, obviously. Or since. In fact, though I consider myself to be gay, if the right guy came along, I wouldn't think I'd let his gender stop us from being together. But I really kind of doubt that a man out there exists that I would fall for. I need a kind, thoughtful, caring person with whom I can chat about anything, without worrying about games, without having to explain myself all the time.
It's like... I get women. Most of the time. And women get me. Most of the time. I feel like I almost instinctually know (although I know it's more like I've been socialized to know) what a woman would find important.
Example: A friend of mine online has had a sort of relationship with another mutual friend of ours, online. He moved this summer. He swore up and down he'd call her when he arrived safely at his destination.
It took him three days to call her, after she'd called something like eight times to make sure he wasn't lying dead in some ditch.
This same friend just went to Disneyland with her family for a big vacation.
I get an email from her, about 12 hours after she leaves, saying "I am here!"
It was nice, because I'd wondered, but she doesn't answer to me or anything, so I wasn't going to worry too much if I didn't hear from her. But you see that? Considerate. She knew I knew she was travelling. She knows I'm a worrier. So she sends an email.
And I'm not saying a guy wouldn't do that, but any guy I'd be with would have to do that sort of thing -- surprise me with his insight into me. And I don't really seem to be someone guys understand all that well. :) But women... yeah, women get me. My neuroses and everything.
I've digressed.
So maybe it's that I find Callie to be... not womanly enough. If that makes sense. Of course, women are different, and to be honest, I don't know a lot about Callie as a character. And it's not like women can't freak out (see Shane and Carmen on The L-Word), but if she cares about the woman, I don't understand why she went to get Mark to demonstrate, on her, The Sloane Method. I don't get why she slept with Mark, twice, before talking to Erica about how they both felt and the differences there.
There you go. I don't get Callie. I say this two paragraphs after saying that I get women. But I just plain don't get her, and that's what makes this unbelievable for me. Every other show that's had a lesbian or bisexual character on it, that I've seen, I've been able to relate to that character. Or at least there was something familiar. There was a connection. And you know what, there was a connection for me with Callie all the way up 'till the There's No I in Team episode. I've felt that unsure. I've felt that awkward. But BOY, do we ever deal with things differently.
I mean, it's OBVIOUS to me that, even if I didn't feel the same as Erica, the right thing to do, instead of panic and leave, would be to panic but talk to her about it. And not go to Mark Sloane for advice, sexual or relationship or anything. I don't get how she can do that or how that's remotely believable, even though I get the point.
Whew. I spend far too much time thinking about fictional characters.
By the way, The Office had me howling with laughter, and was the first time I preferred Dwight's story to anyone else's. And WTF is up with the brothers? Seriously. That was ... just really awkward and weird.
To bed, now.
Backstory: I don't like Grey's Anatomy. I really don't. I think Meredith Grey is a dumbass. I think Patrick Dempsey is ugly. And I think that I have not seen a bunch of people that screwed up in a long time.
However.
There are very few lesbian relationships on television right now. GA is currently exploring one between Callie Torres and Erica Hahn. Naturally, I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame, because either I'm going to relate or I'm going to bitch.
And I don't know which I'm doing right now.
I was excited. I was really excited and intrigued by the whole Callie/Erica thing. To the point that I watched episodes from last season and then have watched all the episodes thus far this season.
I dislike the show in general. Have I mentioned that? I also don't do grossness on TV shows and tonight's left me feeling queasy.
Anyways.
I used to be excited about how they were doing the whole Callie/Erica thing. The movement from Friends to Something More is, I will admit, my fandom kink. And alternate universes. But mostly first-time-with-that-person stuff. And if it's gay stuff, all the better.
So I was interested in this relationship between them.
It went well, at first. Teasing the straight guy Callie's sleeping with, Mark, with suggestions that he couldn't handle a threesome. A kiss in the elevator between Callie and Erica to prove it. Dirty talk by Mark Sloane during sex about a threesome with Erica to elicit a reaction from Callie, which was really a positive one. And then Callie, realizing that she's actually really attracted to this woman... she goes up to her and snogs her. A good one, too. (Random memory -- I think it was one of the Eggs, though I couldn't tell you which, who once wrote to that good ol' mailing list of ours with something along the lines of "Okay, who saw Odo and Kira SNOGGING on the Promenade last night???" Such a good word. I wonder what the Eggs are up to, anyways. Hm.)
And that was how Season 4 ended.
Season 5 started with awkwardness and a suggestion to go slow and just go on a date. There were some HILARIOUS bits about The Motherland and an embassy and the northern mountains and south of the Mason-Dixon Line ... of her pants... or something.
Here:
Callie talking to Dr. Bailey.
Dr. Bailey talking to Callie.
Finally, Callie and Erica talking to each other.
Sorry for all the backstory, but as you can see, it's kind of delightfully cute.
Last episode, There's No I in Team, was an interesting one, period. I actually enjoyed it. Dixon from Alias was in it, apart from anything else. ;)
It was all going so well. Snogging in the start of the ep... but freaking out on Callie's part, but that's totally normal. I mean, if you think you've been straight your whole life and you find yourself in bed with a woman... That freaks you out. Hell, the first time I was faced with the possibility of KISSING a woman, I freaked right out. And I'd already acknowledged my attraction to women. A year and a half before that.
But last episode, Callie basically says she can't ... well, to put it in clinical terms, can't perform oral sex on Erica. She confides in Mark, who is all like "dude, really, not cool, quit talking to me about it," because apparently it's hot when two girls "get nasty" and enjoy it, but it's "wrong" if two girls are doing so and not enjoying it. Or something.
Callie's just trying to figure things out and makes the mistake of letting Erica think that it wasn't good for her. In reality, regardless of how it was for her, she couldn't enjoy herself because she didn't feel like she was doing well at what she WAS doing. Insert Erica thinking she's being rejected, etc.
So. Callie asks Mark to help her. To show her The Sloane Method. By demonstrating on her. Which he happily does. She drops her pants, he throws his scrub top to the ground and agrees to teach her how to perform oral sex on women.
Callie promptly takes this knowledge and tracks down Erica and demands that she take off her pants. She pulls her own top off. "We're trying this again," she explains.
I chewed on that for a week. She, literally, went from a sexual encounter with Mark over to a sexual encounter with Erica. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against bisexuals, but my feeling is that if she's having sexual encounters with more than one person, all her partners ought to know. It's the double-dipping that I have an issue with.
So this Thursday's episode (spoilers, obviously) opens with Callie and Erica in bed together, marvelling at how awesome it was. Callie is CLEARLY proud of her, er, work. But Erica... is like over the moon. Beyond happy. To the point of likening sleeping with Callie vs. men to seeing trees with glasses on vs. seeing them before she ever got glasses and did not know that leaves existed because she only ever saw green blobs.
And then she declares, in this hoarse, incredulous, decisive voice, that she is gay. She is SO gay. She is SO, SO GAY. She is EXTREMELY gay.
And Callie panics and says she has to go. Erica is, naturally, crushed.
And later that day, Callie sleeps with Mark.
Twice.
So I get it. They're showing us that Erica has had a revelation, that Erica now believe she's gay because she's never experienced anything that even comes close to sex with a woman. But that Callie... didn't have a revelation. Callie had sex. Callie has had sex before, good sex, with men. And she just had good sex with a woman. But to her, it's just sex. So Erica's gay. Callie might be bi. So Callie tests out her theory by sleeping with Mark. Twice. (Mark who, by the way, informs Callie that she's cheating on Erica.)
Now, to her credit, Callie seeks out Erica at the end of the day to confess. To explain what she did because regardless of how the sex is with a guy, she DOES want to be with Erica right now.
And Erica says "Okay." The next scene is Callie and Mark talking and how Callie's basically not going to sleep with him anymore and he takes it well. There's some actual, real friendship potential there.
But... all of this is still not sitting right with me.
I get the point they're making. But I am completely unhappy with how they made the point. They took this really... adorable sort of awkward uncertainty they had and now all of a sudden, Erica's declaring she's gay, Callie's freaking out and sleeping with Mark instead of talking to Erica about it and I'm not sure I like it. Is it more real than a sort of storybook thing where they live happily ever after? Yes. Is it more interesting? Yes, definitely. So what is driving me nuts about this?
Maybe it's because I just plain don't relate to Callie. At all. There's Erica, pouring her heart out to Callie, revealing truths to her, talking out how she feels... And Callie freaks. Where's the compassion, the empathy? Where's the friend that was there, pre-romance? When I came out to my friends, my friends who totally already knew, btw, they supported me through it, reassured me that nothing had changed and that they still loved me.
Even those who didn't know have been amazingly supportive and awesome. From one of my old best friends from highschool, ASP, with whom I've reconnected on Facebook:
you could have a penchant for wearing a giant cape and a wizard hat, have a tail and be a republican and I'd still introduce you as my "awesome computer geeky partner in crime from back in the day". You being a lesbian doesn't surprise me (but I'm not not surprised, if that makes sense), and it certainly doesn't define who you are to me. I'm glad you felt comfortable telling me, and as long as you're happy, I'm happy. Word.
(Not that I'm comparing being gay with having a tail, wearing a cape and a wizard cap and being republican - I'm just saying that nothing would change my view of you) (Unless you're Vegan - then we have to talk).
I mean, how AWESOME a reaction is that?
True, I have never grandly proclaimed a new sexual identity after sleeping with someone which was their first time sleeping with a woman. But it's not that I haven't questioned my sexual orientation before, obviously. Or since. In fact, though I consider myself to be gay, if the right guy came along, I wouldn't think I'd let his gender stop us from being together. But I really kind of doubt that a man out there exists that I would fall for. I need a kind, thoughtful, caring person with whom I can chat about anything, without worrying about games, without having to explain myself all the time.
It's like... I get women. Most of the time. And women get me. Most of the time. I feel like I almost instinctually know (although I know it's more like I've been socialized to know) what a woman would find important.
Example: A friend of mine online has had a sort of relationship with another mutual friend of ours, online. He moved this summer. He swore up and down he'd call her when he arrived safely at his destination.
It took him three days to call her, after she'd called something like eight times to make sure he wasn't lying dead in some ditch.
This same friend just went to Disneyland with her family for a big vacation.
I get an email from her, about 12 hours after she leaves, saying "I am here!"
It was nice, because I'd wondered, but she doesn't answer to me or anything, so I wasn't going to worry too much if I didn't hear from her. But you see that? Considerate. She knew I knew she was travelling. She knows I'm a worrier. So she sends an email.
And I'm not saying a guy wouldn't do that, but any guy I'd be with would have to do that sort of thing -- surprise me with his insight into me. And I don't really seem to be someone guys understand all that well. :) But women... yeah, women get me. My neuroses and everything.
I've digressed.
So maybe it's that I find Callie to be... not womanly enough. If that makes sense. Of course, women are different, and to be honest, I don't know a lot about Callie as a character. And it's not like women can't freak out (see Shane and Carmen on The L-Word), but if she cares about the woman, I don't understand why she went to get Mark to demonstrate, on her, The Sloane Method. I don't get why she slept with Mark, twice, before talking to Erica about how they both felt and the differences there.
There you go. I don't get Callie. I say this two paragraphs after saying that I get women. But I just plain don't get her, and that's what makes this unbelievable for me. Every other show that's had a lesbian or bisexual character on it, that I've seen, I've been able to relate to that character. Or at least there was something familiar. There was a connection. And you know what, there was a connection for me with Callie all the way up 'till the There's No I in Team episode. I've felt that unsure. I've felt that awkward. But BOY, do we ever deal with things differently.
I mean, it's OBVIOUS to me that, even if I didn't feel the same as Erica, the right thing to do, instead of panic and leave, would be to panic but talk to her about it. And not go to Mark Sloane for advice, sexual or relationship or anything. I don't get how she can do that or how that's remotely believable, even though I get the point.
Whew. I spend far too much time thinking about fictional characters.
By the way, The Office had me howling with laughter, and was the first time I preferred Dwight's story to anyone else's. And WTF is up with the brothers? Seriously. That was ... just really awkward and weird.
To bed, now.
