The upside to work.
Jul. 26th, 2005 04:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brinshannaraI think the only real upside to work (apart from cash -- but that's almost a secondary incentive, sometimes, especially at my current pay rate of $8.75/hour. [That's $8.75/hour Canadian, by the way, which is $7.18 USD]) is that I get stories to tell and amuse my friends for the rest of my life. Or, at least the next week.
I warn you, this isn't quite as funny without hearing my take on the guy's accent, but here's a (fairly accurate) representation of a call I had tonight.
Backstory: When calling in the United States, either due to the autodialer we use or the long-distance carrier we use, we often don't even hear the "hello?" other people say when they pick up. When our screens go from blank to the main screen and the continuous beep in our headsets stops, that's when we start speaking. I've noticed Americans are very annoyed if they have to say "hello" more than once, so I just don't even wait for it if I see the screen change and hear the beep stop, because I find the chances of them doing the survey is a lot better. The downside is that I don't always know if I'm talking to a man, a woman, a kid, a cat, a dog... Anyways, so I got patched through on this call.
Me: Hi, I'm [real name] and I'm calling from [company name], a public opinion research company in Minneapolis. We're not selling anything. Today, we're calling people all over the country to get their opinions on a few things, including some products and current events. May I please speak with a male in the household who is 18 years of age or older?
(Note: The company name I used is a subsidiary company of ours that IS located in Minneapolis. At no time do I actually say that I am calling FROM Minneapolis. Also, that's a long intro to try to get out without getting hung up on. And I had to ask for a male on this particular call, although I was prompted to ask for a female several times as well.)
Man with a thick Southern accent: Uh, I'm a male an' I'm over 18...
Me, smiling for emphasis: Great! (insert pause of two seconds while I get the survey to start, and where I would pray that I don't get hung up on. You'll note we don't actually ASK PERMISSION to start a survey, which totally preys on people's innate desire not to be rude to strangers. And it works damn well, too.)
MwatSa: Now hang on a second here, this here's a survey?
Me, still praying: Yes, sir.
MwatSa: Wall, now, how long's this here thang gonna take?
Me, praying more: About 15 minutes, sir.
MwatSa: FIFTEEN MINUTES? HOLY CATS!
Me, now attempting not to DIE OF LAUGHTER from use of "Holy cats!": Yes, sir. I can assure you I'll try to get through it quickly.
MwatSa: Wall, now.... boy, I don't know... cantcha just say I says yes t'everythin'?
Me, smiling, hoping: Unfortunately sir, I'm supposed to ask you each question and record your answer. After all, sir, it's your opinion and it's important to us.
MwatSa: Wall... okay, then, I s'pose we could give this a shot. Let's go.
Me: Thanks, sir.
... twelve minutes later ...
Me: Now, just a few questions for statistical calculations...
MwatSa: Ain't we done yet?
Me: Almost, sir!
I now began reading a little faster, conscious of the fact he wanted OFF THE PHONE.
... two minutes later ...
Me: And finally, just a few questions to help classify your answers--
MwatSa, somewhat shocked: How many more questions izzere gonna BE?!
Me: Just a few more left, sir, we'll go through them as quickly as we can.
... last question, two minutes later ...
Me: Would you be interested in participating in more [company name] polls in the future?
MwatSa: Will they all be this long?!
Me: You'll always have a choice to choose not to participate even if we call you, sir, and you can ask them how long the survey will take before deciding.
MwatSa: I shoulda done that on this call! All right, I s'pose you can say yes on that question. I mean, you done a good job, li'l lady, ya got me to do your survey thang, so yeah. But are we done yet??
Me: Actually sir, that was my last question. On behalf of myself and [company name], I'd like to thank you very much for your time, opinions and co-operation, and I'd like to wish you a lovely evening!
MwatSa: Wall, you're walcome, ma'am, but before you go...
Me: Yes, sir?
MwatSa: I would recommend that y'all lay off the coffee a li'l bit there, all right?
Me, somewhat bewildered: Thanks, sir. You have a great night.
MwatSa: You take care a yerself there. Bye, now.
Me: Bye.
I was considering saying "Actually, sir, I don't drink coffee. I'm just naturally that exuberant."
I didn't say it for two reasons:
1) I didn't know if I was being listened to by my supervisors (as it happens, I was)
and
2) I didn't know if he would have known what "exuberant" means.
I'm still amused that my utter boredom at the survey subject matter didn't leak through in my tone if he thought I sounded over-caffeinated.
Another call of note was a woman who lived down in Central Florida. It just started off WEIRD, but it did this for all the women. Honest to God.
Me: When you make pot roast, how do you cook it? Do you--
Florida Woman: I make the best pot roast.
Me: Do you--
FW: I sure do. Want to come for dinner?
Me, realizing she thought I'd asked "do you?" instead of continuing the question: Maybe! So do you cook it on the stove top, in a crock pot, in the oven with a roasting bag or in the oven without a roasting bag?
And then she told me how she makes her pot roast. What a weird-ass question, but it certainly drew in the women, that's for sure. Then the demographics of this survey, at the end, I had to ask about political affiliation, as well as age and stuff.
Me: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, an Independent or none of these?
FW: I'm a Democrat.
Me: Would you say you lean strongly or moderately towards the Democratic Party?
FW: Well, it depends on who's running. I registered as a Democrat for the last election because of who was running.
Me: So would you say that you are strongly or moderately a Democrat?
FW: Like I said, it depends on who's running. I just vote and I hope it makes a difference, although it usually doesn't.
Me, saying something that just CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH, that I shouldn't have said: Ma'am, you live in Florida. Your vote always makes a difference.
FW: :::laughs out loud::: I s'pose you've got a point!
... two minutes later ...
Me: The following information will be grouped together with all the other respondents' answers and will be kept strictly confidential. It will be used for statistical purposes only and never for any other purpose. In what year were you born?
FW, sounding pissed: Now that is just rude!
Me, all bewildered because we'd gotten along so well to this point: I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm just--
FW, now chuckling: I keep telling my kids I'm 29. [It dawns on yours truly that she's kidding and is a wee bit testy about age.] And one of them's 25.
Me: Ah, I see, ma'am. I'm sorry, but I have to ask.
FW, with a big sigh: 19XX. [Where XX was her actual birth year. But see? No other purposes! I'm an ethical person. Mostly.]
Me: And have you already had your birthday this year?
FW, with another sigh: Yes!
She was a funny one, but didn't tell me to cut back on the coffee.
What else... Oh, yeah, I got off work on Sunday at 7:15 instead of 9 (wooHOO) and I did at least 7 completes on the survey I was talking about above, and did another complete on another project I was switched on to, on the only call I did for that survey before going home.
In other news, I am tired, it's 4:22am, I need to shower and I'm debating going to bed after my shower or staying up all night to finish my #%)*@# methodology assignment. Let's see. If I stay up now, I can probably make it to 8-9am, which is 3-4 hours of work from when I'm done my shower. Then I could wake up at 3pm and work from 3:30-5:30, but on six hours of sleep, that might not be good work.
Alternatively, I could go to bed at 5, wake up at noon, and work from 12:30-6pm, which is five and a half hours of work, which will likely be punctuated by phone calls and other distractions.
Hm. Shower now. Decide after. Will keep you posted. (I'm sure you're thrilled.)
I warn you, this isn't quite as funny without hearing my take on the guy's accent, but here's a (fairly accurate) representation of a call I had tonight.
Backstory: When calling in the United States, either due to the autodialer we use or the long-distance carrier we use, we often don't even hear the "hello?" other people say when they pick up. When our screens go from blank to the main screen and the continuous beep in our headsets stops, that's when we start speaking. I've noticed Americans are very annoyed if they have to say "hello" more than once, so I just don't even wait for it if I see the screen change and hear the beep stop, because I find the chances of them doing the survey is a lot better. The downside is that I don't always know if I'm talking to a man, a woman, a kid, a cat, a dog... Anyways, so I got patched through on this call.
Me: Hi, I'm [real name] and I'm calling from [company name], a public opinion research company in Minneapolis. We're not selling anything. Today, we're calling people all over the country to get their opinions on a few things, including some products and current events. May I please speak with a male in the household who is 18 years of age or older?
(Note: The company name I used is a subsidiary company of ours that IS located in Minneapolis. At no time do I actually say that I am calling FROM Minneapolis. Also, that's a long intro to try to get out without getting hung up on. And I had to ask for a male on this particular call, although I was prompted to ask for a female several times as well.)
Man with a thick Southern accent: Uh, I'm a male an' I'm over 18...
Me, smiling for emphasis: Great! (insert pause of two seconds while I get the survey to start, and where I would pray that I don't get hung up on. You'll note we don't actually ASK PERMISSION to start a survey, which totally preys on people's innate desire not to be rude to strangers. And it works damn well, too.)
MwatSa: Now hang on a second here, this here's a survey?
Me, still praying: Yes, sir.
MwatSa: Wall, now, how long's this here thang gonna take?
Me, praying more: About 15 minutes, sir.
MwatSa: FIFTEEN MINUTES? HOLY CATS!
Me, now attempting not to DIE OF LAUGHTER from use of "Holy cats!": Yes, sir. I can assure you I'll try to get through it quickly.
MwatSa: Wall, now.... boy, I don't know... cantcha just say I says yes t'everythin'?
Me, smiling, hoping: Unfortunately sir, I'm supposed to ask you each question and record your answer. After all, sir, it's your opinion and it's important to us.
MwatSa: Wall... okay, then, I s'pose we could give this a shot. Let's go.
Me: Thanks, sir.
... twelve minutes later ...
Me: Now, just a few questions for statistical calculations...
MwatSa: Ain't we done yet?
Me: Almost, sir!
I now began reading a little faster, conscious of the fact he wanted OFF THE PHONE.
... two minutes later ...
Me: And finally, just a few questions to help classify your answers--
MwatSa, somewhat shocked: How many more questions izzere gonna BE?!
Me: Just a few more left, sir, we'll go through them as quickly as we can.
... last question, two minutes later ...
Me: Would you be interested in participating in more [company name] polls in the future?
MwatSa: Will they all be this long?!
Me: You'll always have a choice to choose not to participate even if we call you, sir, and you can ask them how long the survey will take before deciding.
MwatSa: I shoulda done that on this call! All right, I s'pose you can say yes on that question. I mean, you done a good job, li'l lady, ya got me to do your survey thang, so yeah. But are we done yet??
Me: Actually sir, that was my last question. On behalf of myself and [company name], I'd like to thank you very much for your time, opinions and co-operation, and I'd like to wish you a lovely evening!
MwatSa: Wall, you're walcome, ma'am, but before you go...
Me: Yes, sir?
MwatSa: I would recommend that y'all lay off the coffee a li'l bit there, all right?
Me, somewhat bewildered: Thanks, sir. You have a great night.
MwatSa: You take care a yerself there. Bye, now.
Me: Bye.
I was considering saying "Actually, sir, I don't drink coffee. I'm just naturally that exuberant."
I didn't say it for two reasons:
1) I didn't know if I was being listened to by my supervisors (as it happens, I was)
and
2) I didn't know if he would have known what "exuberant" means.
I'm still amused that my utter boredom at the survey subject matter didn't leak through in my tone if he thought I sounded over-caffeinated.
Another call of note was a woman who lived down in Central Florida. It just started off WEIRD, but it did this for all the women. Honest to God.
Me: When you make pot roast, how do you cook it? Do you--
Florida Woman: I make the best pot roast.
Me: Do you--
FW: I sure do. Want to come for dinner?
Me, realizing she thought I'd asked "do you?" instead of continuing the question: Maybe! So do you cook it on the stove top, in a crock pot, in the oven with a roasting bag or in the oven without a roasting bag?
And then she told me how she makes her pot roast. What a weird-ass question, but it certainly drew in the women, that's for sure. Then the demographics of this survey, at the end, I had to ask about political affiliation, as well as age and stuff.
Me: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, an Independent or none of these?
FW: I'm a Democrat.
Me: Would you say you lean strongly or moderately towards the Democratic Party?
FW: Well, it depends on who's running. I registered as a Democrat for the last election because of who was running.
Me: So would you say that you are strongly or moderately a Democrat?
FW: Like I said, it depends on who's running. I just vote and I hope it makes a difference, although it usually doesn't.
Me, saying something that just CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH, that I shouldn't have said: Ma'am, you live in Florida. Your vote always makes a difference.
FW: :::laughs out loud::: I s'pose you've got a point!
... two minutes later ...
Me: The following information will be grouped together with all the other respondents' answers and will be kept strictly confidential. It will be used for statistical purposes only and never for any other purpose. In what year were you born?
FW, sounding pissed: Now that is just rude!
Me, all bewildered because we'd gotten along so well to this point: I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm just--
FW, now chuckling: I keep telling my kids I'm 29. [It dawns on yours truly that she's kidding and is a wee bit testy about age.] And one of them's 25.
Me: Ah, I see, ma'am. I'm sorry, but I have to ask.
FW, with a big sigh: 19XX. [Where XX was her actual birth year. But see? No other purposes! I'm an ethical person. Mostly.]
Me: And have you already had your birthday this year?
FW, with another sigh: Yes!
She was a funny one, but didn't tell me to cut back on the coffee.
What else... Oh, yeah, I got off work on Sunday at 7:15 instead of 9 (wooHOO) and I did at least 7 completes on the survey I was talking about above, and did another complete on another project I was switched on to, on the only call I did for that survey before going home.
In other news, I am tired, it's 4:22am, I need to shower and I'm debating going to bed after my shower or staying up all night to finish my #%)*@# methodology assignment. Let's see. If I stay up now, I can probably make it to 8-9am, which is 3-4 hours of work from when I'm done my shower. Then I could wake up at 3pm and work from 3:30-5:30, but on six hours of sleep, that might not be good work.
Alternatively, I could go to bed at 5, wake up at noon, and work from 12:30-6pm, which is five and a half hours of work, which will likely be punctuated by phone calls and other distractions.
Hm. Shower now. Decide after. Will keep you posted. (I'm sure you're thrilled.)
