I miss my blog.

Some of you know I have/had/whatever a blog. I miss it.

I will be bringing it back shortly, as I spent a tinytinytiny bit of my non-existent free time (okay, it SEEMS non-existent, but then priorities get shifted and then there's three hours on the phone with one person, etc) designing in Photoshop today. I could have spent that time a lot better, but I made something pretty and maybe I'll actually get the blog up again at some point.

Because I miss it.

I miss having it as a place to write. This... has become a very odd place for me to write. Safe, on the one hand, but this whole LJ thing still doesn't "fit" me right, I don't think.

Tonight, while on the phone with a friend of mine, she told me that a friend of hers doesn't strive for happiness in her life. I was aghast. "What?" And she was like "I don't get it, either."

So I said that I strove for happiness in my life and then I took it back. I don't. Pure, perfect happiness that lasts just doesn't exist, not on Earth, anyways. To me, Heaven, or the all-encompassing presence of God, would be pure happiness.

What do I strive for? All those tiny, fleeting moments of perfection. The ones that are littered throughout our lives. We live through them and we collect them and carry them around with us to marvel at years later.

It hit me tonight, while on the phone, that that's what I do in life. I try to capture my moments of perfection and I try to share them. But they're unshareable. The words just fall flat, they can't ever quite explain those moments. The best they can do is evoke an image for someone else, and maybe, maybe, if you're lucky, the image the other person thinks of while reading your words will be something recognizably similar to what you saw or felt or experienced.

Same thing with a photo. A mere camera can never, ever capture how it FELT to stand in that field during sunset, it can only make others think of how they felt in a similar time.

Anyway, I gave my friend food for thought over that, I think, although she pointed out that maybe these moments are all the more special because they can't be shared. Lots of thinking to be done, during the next moment of perfection I have. I'm sure I'll still try to figure out how to share it, but maybe next time, instead of being frustrated at not being able to get the words down, I'll just appreciate that maybe it was just something I and I alone was meant to experience.

"I've lost my keys. Where are they?"

I love superswank. In fact, if she weren't already married, I'd propose. :) She sent me a wonderful package which arrived today. Thank you, sweetie, and your note about watching stuff with JB on the couch cracked me up. :)

Training for work was good, tomorrow is my first night on the phones. I'm a little freaked, but I think it'll be good. :)

Am going to try to get rid of my headache by watching a little S3 Alias.

"Michael Vaughn is just a boy who wasn't good enough for you anyway." Squee. :)