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I woke up before my alarm. I'm actually conscious. I got more than six hours of sleep.
This is actually creeping me out.
Unfortunately, I'm still really tired, but at least I know it's possible for me to get to sleep before 1 on Tuesday nights/Wednesday mornings. Go me!
My Social Problems class last night was pretty cool. We talked about sexual orientation. Granted, we could have spent like, six hours on the topic instead of the two that we did, so we didn't touch on a lot of things (bisexuality, biphobia, didn't talk too much about lesbianism and such), but it was still interesting.
For instance, I had no idea there were three stages to coming out. I mean, they make sense, so I guess I just never thought of things that way.
1) Signification: When you first realize/admit to yourself that you're queer.
2) Disclosure: When you tell the main figures in your life that you're queer (friends, family, significant others, etc).
3) Going public: When you publicly acknowledge that you're queer (marching in a Pride parade or becoming active within the GLBT community).
Some people never reach stage one, less people reach stage two and less people than that reach stage three.
Since I hit stage one at 17 (and then modified it from "I'm bi" to "I'm gay" around 19), I've had a lot of trouble going through stage two. I mean, I just told my brother this past fall, and while all my close friends know, those I would consider my acquaintances don't, nor do older friends of mine (like some from highschool) know.
And yet, I find I'm hovering between stages two and three -- lots of online people do know, and not just through this pseudonym I use. A lot of people I don't know that well know, because at the New Year's party I went to, I decided that I'd be open about it. I suspect half my Social Problems class now knows, because I was pretty vocal in discussion last night, without actually saying "Oh yeah, and I'm gay, by the way". Then there's everyone from VA who knows, because I was entirely out during my time there. No worries about things getting back to my grandmothers and such was one reason. The other was that my girlfriend wouldn't stand for it. :)
It's interesting to be at this in-between-stages state, really, and actually being aware that in some respects, I'm in stage three and in most respects I'm in stage two. It's certainly progression from the absolute and utter and total denial I was in when I was 15. Still, I do get some flak from some people who are entirely in stage three themselves. I can't tell you how many people have harassed me to tell my brother over the years. Should I have told him when he was 12 and I had just figured it out? What about when I was 19 and had a girlfriend, and he was 14 and insufferable? Maybe at 22 when he was 17 and kept using "gay" as a synonym for stupid (which I would bitch at him about from what I thought could be perceived as a neutral standpoint).
I probably should have told him sooner, but he knows now and that's what matters. For the most part, I've come out to people on my own terms, at my own pace, and it's worked out fairly well for me. I'm happy to continue coming out when I feel it's appropriate and eventually, I'll hit stage three. But I'm pretty content with where I am at the moment.
That was long. And now I need to go get dressed and run for my bus, because I spent so much time putting down my thoughts on coming out.
(Also, Jenny on The L Word is a cross between Shannen Doherty and Fairuza Balk. Anyone else agree?)
This is actually creeping me out.
Unfortunately, I'm still really tired, but at least I know it's possible for me to get to sleep before 1 on Tuesday nights/Wednesday mornings. Go me!
My Social Problems class last night was pretty cool. We talked about sexual orientation. Granted, we could have spent like, six hours on the topic instead of the two that we did, so we didn't touch on a lot of things (bisexuality, biphobia, didn't talk too much about lesbianism and such), but it was still interesting.
For instance, I had no idea there were three stages to coming out. I mean, they make sense, so I guess I just never thought of things that way.
1) Signification: When you first realize/admit to yourself that you're queer.
2) Disclosure: When you tell the main figures in your life that you're queer (friends, family, significant others, etc).
3) Going public: When you publicly acknowledge that you're queer (marching in a Pride parade or becoming active within the GLBT community).
Some people never reach stage one, less people reach stage two and less people than that reach stage three.
Since I hit stage one at 17 (and then modified it from "I'm bi" to "I'm gay" around 19), I've had a lot of trouble going through stage two. I mean, I just told my brother this past fall, and while all my close friends know, those I would consider my acquaintances don't, nor do older friends of mine (like some from highschool) know.
And yet, I find I'm hovering between stages two and three -- lots of online people do know, and not just through this pseudonym I use. A lot of people I don't know that well know, because at the New Year's party I went to, I decided that I'd be open about it. I suspect half my Social Problems class now knows, because I was pretty vocal in discussion last night, without actually saying "Oh yeah, and I'm gay, by the way". Then there's everyone from VA who knows, because I was entirely out during my time there. No worries about things getting back to my grandmothers and such was one reason. The other was that my girlfriend wouldn't stand for it. :)
It's interesting to be at this in-between-stages state, really, and actually being aware that in some respects, I'm in stage three and in most respects I'm in stage two. It's certainly progression from the absolute and utter and total denial I was in when I was 15. Still, I do get some flak from some people who are entirely in stage three themselves. I can't tell you how many people have harassed me to tell my brother over the years. Should I have told him when he was 12 and I had just figured it out? What about when I was 19 and had a girlfriend, and he was 14 and insufferable? Maybe at 22 when he was 17 and kept using "gay" as a synonym for stupid (which I would bitch at him about from what I thought could be perceived as a neutral standpoint).
I probably should have told him sooner, but he knows now and that's what matters. For the most part, I've come out to people on my own terms, at my own pace, and it's worked out fairly well for me. I'm happy to continue coming out when I feel it's appropriate and eventually, I'll hit stage three. But I'm pretty content with where I am at the moment.
That was long. And now I need to go get dressed and run for my bus, because I spent so much time putting down my thoughts on coming out.
(Also, Jenny on The L Word is a cross between Shannen Doherty and Fairuza Balk. Anyone else agree?)
