Apr. 6th, 2004

Grr.

Apr. 6th, 2004 05:30 am
brinshannara: (simpler times)
Bed for me. Hopefully it'll be better than being awake.

Let's just hope I don't have the same dreams I had last night, shall we?
brinshannara: (what i write)
I have never been interviewed for a position and then not been offered it.

Not that I have a job or anything right now, but I was pondering this, through a series of odd conversational topics.

A friend of a friend has, at age 27, decided that she's straight, after ten years of identifying as gay. The friend of a friend has been out and proud and active and everything that I haven't been, basically, for the last ten years (she and I both became self-aware at about the same time, apparently).

So my friend, upon hearing this, jokes to her friend that she won't have any trouble in the straight world, because she's attractive and if she's now thinking she's straight, she won't really have issues using her attractiveness on men to get things she wants.

It was at this point in the conversation that I laughed and said that I hoped I never woke up one morning to realize I'm straight, because even if I had the attractiveness thing, I totally couldn't use it on guys.

My friend then tells me that no, no, I've got a different kind of charm, that I don't have to play the damsel in distress like she does. I'm apparently formal and polite and cordial and, at the same time, calm and easy-going and relaxing, and people respond to that.

I thought about it for a moment. "You're right," I admitted, "I'm usually pretty formal, until I'm more comfortable, but even then, I don't seem like I'm nervous or freaking out." I paused. "That's probably why I always get the job when I get an interview."

"That's EXACTLY it. Who wants to hire the damsel in distress? No one. They want the calm, cool-under-pressure, formal people who put them at ease."

"Huh. That's cool, really."

So, that was an interesting conversation. Even if I am mildly questioning my sexuality. Who questions their sexuality ten years after first coming out?? That kind of freaks me out. I mean, here I am, gayer than the day is long, and actually really, truly getting comfortable with myself... and suddenly someone I know, who's my age, is all "You know what? I think I'm actually straight, not gay."

More disturbing: the woman in question beeped on my gaydar, and would have beeped on my gaydar even if I hadn't previously known she was gay, when I met her.

My lesbidar is defective. Gay men? I can spot them at a hundred paces. Lesbians? Nada. Just more proof that I should have been born a bisexual man -- all the straight girls and all the gay guys I'd want, and no bleeding every damn month!

And then I remember multiple orgasms and I settle for being a lesbian juuuuuuust fine.

Wow, that got rambly and tangential. Ah, well.

I'm packing up my tax papers, going to my parents' house for dinner, and then off to my last Tuesday night class. Have a good one, y'all.

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